Lilac Wine :: a warzone towards haiku

July 17, 2010

What you stole I would have given freely

Filed under: Text — Tags: — Lilac @ 1:09 pm

Wedding ring handgun blood. I can still smell you all over my hands, between my fingers like salt popcorn. I hung my head, How can you kiss me after degrading me so thoroughly? :Because i’m free.

Spill a glass of sparkling flowered sake. I’m sorry.

Clean it up. As you wish. As you wish.

Twined ’round the pole, Cat Power sings horses, galloping… want to see my bones? Lost in inexpressible devotion – genuinely lost, without art or thought. I came without collar, given at each moment as a free woman; I had no symbol of possession to remove. It is different to survive an evening not of submission, but love; which is a surrender unbounded in time. A toast: to freedom.

A toast: to the tao and all things as they are. I guess I’m just young, and vulnerable to beauty; violin bow of your black cane, and precisely rolled-up shirtsleeves. Even your name is spare.

Dominoes is an aesthetic game. I am a curved line of polished black pieces; array exactingly how I sit, and move, and end my sentences; a lick of your whip crashes every domino in sequence. Games. The Emperor does not need to grow up, he is 12 years old and 1000; I am 24 and zero, 24 and zero; an asymptote, approaching zero as time tends towards infinity. Never obliterated but brought ever closer to nothing.

I like the aesthetic of being corrupted. The mirror frames your gun to my head. I love beautiful men, particularly when they have tears in their eyes.


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