Lilac Wine :: a warzone towards haiku

September 28, 2010

I’ll follow you into the dark

Filed under: Text — Tags: — Lilac @ 8:22 pm

I could spend all day exploring the wilderness of your body…
I say You’ve cut a few trails, yourself.

His trails are another conception of the rabbit-hole. Here is a terrible path he cut: past the construct of psyche, we went through past atrocities and beyond to a black nihil. Here’s what didn’t make me cry: having my head shoved in the toilet, hair wrenched into his fist as he penetrated me and I called pitifully for help. Here’s the goal: to make me cry.

Shuddering and in terror from a 20-minute bout of electrotorture, I’d offered notes on my fear, earnestly complicit in his effort to make me cry. He’d said I will use and abuse you and move on to the next woman, pulling enough parallel from his recently dissolved relationship to make me wonder. We experiment with the induction of fear. End cutscene and back to our heroine in the toilet: I’m still not crying.

Look at you, head in the toilet. Look what you’ve become. Look at what you’re good for. This is all you’re good for. I believe this. I’m still not crying, so he violates all things.

Tell me about the man who molested you. I am going to break up with him. Can’t believe he said this.
Did he make you touch him? Puts my hand on his cock. I can’t,
believe,

What was his name? Shaking my head, panicking,
What was his name? Inertia demands I ride this to the end,
Brian. A name like sickness in my throat-
What was his last name? ___. It is done. I’m crying.

You’re one of the strongest people I’ve met, he says. And, We’re never going there again.
The aftercare takes days and days.

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