Lilac Wine :: a warzone towards haiku

March 21, 2011

An exorcism

Filed under: Text — Tags: , — Lilac @ 1:11 pm

Ghost. There is a girl. There was a marriage. They are ghosts.

She had the textural perfection of a phantom, even in flesh. Hard gems shone on her fingernails, and her soft skin was traced in Buddhist scripture. There is no fire like lust…

She was so pretty.

She made her husband a sandwich every day. My husband thinks you’re gorgeous, were her first words to me. I do not hold a candle to you, I replied. We had no chemistry. We came only as close as touched tongue-tips wrapped around her husband’s cock, or brushed fingers as we held him though the night.

Her bearing was enviable. I saw a video-camera ignore a roomful of salaciousness to focus on her, as she carried a glass of water across the room. That’s my girl, her husband said with pleasure and pride.

She cooked risotto and strawberry granita when I joined them at the table. She hit me when he asked, politely criticized my cunnilingus, and gave me a key to their loft. She seemed exemplary in all ways.

And he texts me, last autumn: we’ve decided to end it…

My brother became room-mate and partner, partner in crime, the man who asks how my day was each evening. It is very nice. His love is expressed sincerely and viscerally and thoughtfully.

Still I envy phantoms seen at enough distance to idealize, yet close-up enough to be taken by glances of them. I covet, senselessly, the man of faith who loved her; who was still possessed of unquiet passion.

I shift between beauty and clumsiness. I rarely cook. I frequently am at odds to the world. My nails are always chipped and broken. Though I’d like to be gracious, I am possessive and easily stung.

I am wise and beautiful and tough. I am earnest. I can hold my own, though when I doubt myself, I cannot hold anything.

Time runs along a knife-edge. I have very little faith in the best laid plans of mice and men, but I run with it.


1 Comment »

  1. i love this and can identify so very much, having been in a similar situation.

    your writing is exceptional, please don’t stop :)

    Comment by Maev — March 28, 2011 @ 2:43 am

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