Lilac Wine :: a warzone towards haiku

December 22, 2012


Filed under: Text — Tags: — Lilac @ 6:45 pm

One junior high teacher assigned us a pie chart to divide according to the prevalence of our intelligences: interpersonal, mathematical, kinaesthetic & so on. My kinaesthetic slice was a zero-degree sliver. The worlds I moved confidently in were of mathematics and language; though I was a good runner, my legs existed more or less to take me to school and the public library. Dragged into sports I would crumble in confusion, able to comprehend but not to move right.

In college, two beloved friends took me dancing in San Francisco’s gothic scene. She tried to teach me pretty, infinitely swirling hand motions which to her amusement I echoed with hopeless clumsiness. He moved with androgynous elegance through the club maze. I danced hesitantly in pinned-up skirts and black lipstick, and left my heart somewhere in the city. Later I kept dancing at the goth & bdsm clubs and found a deep peace in the kinaesthetics of it.

As I’ve flogged laughing boys and cut metal on the mill, the intuitive motions have become a source of pleasure. Learning physical skills is pretty hard for me, but once I’ve got it and can work with it great peace comes over me. I am reminded of Oliver Sacks’ Surgeon’s Life, his sensitive recounting of a skilled surgeon with Tourette’s who moved between ‘kinetic melody’ and a disorganization of tics. Of course I haven’t nearly what he has to contend with, but I can identify slightly. Always considering and hesitating, when I find threads of kinetic melody through machining or song or sadomasochism my mind quiets and focuses and I am at peace.


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